Steady Heart

One year ago, early January 2015, we were in Kansas City, recovering from some medical 'adventures' we had ended the previous year with.

At this point we did not know yet that we would not be returning to India. We still had our 'home' that we knew and loved. My thoughts were about returning to India and seeing our friends again, introducing them to our sweet Edith Jean. Thoughts about what I wanted to grab on the post Christmas sales for the following year in India. Candy canes, cookie cutters, advent materials, etc that we could not get in India. I thought about how much deodorant and coffee to bring with us and that I had better start collecting it quickly as we were hoping to leave as soon as we got Edith's visa.

The next thing we know it was Valentines day. Sitting with the man I love, talking about a place I love....yet my heart was breaking. That evening we put the kids to bed and sat to talk in the living room of the house we were staying in. It was that moment that Clint looked at me and said for the first time, definitively, that we could not return. The consulate had denied Edith the visa we needed...twice...and he had come to terms with saying the words "We cant go back". I felt lost. Every time I thought about it/think about it I felt punched in the stomach.

Here we are a year later. Not in the USA. Not in India. In Canada of all places. Somewhere I never ever thought I would even visit, much less live in. This new home is loaded with its own struggles and joys.

Dont get me wrong, I am excited that since we cant be in India right now we are here. We are living among the same people just in a different part of the world. We see so much potential and are slowly getting adjusted, meeting neighbors etc. It is just a wonderful reminder to know that even though we cant see exactly what things will look like, we dont know how it will all come together or how my role will fit into things with little ones at home, we still trust God.

Sometimes the Lord uses songs to really calm my heart and catch my attention. Over the past couple months there is a song that I found on youtube that has stuck with me. (see below) As I started singing along and repeating the words, suddenly the words clicked and the beauty of the words struck me.

Over and over, I have learned that even if I cant see whats in front of me...or the reasons why...I will still trust Him. I dont need to see, or know why. I dont deserve to have all the answers. It is not a 'right' I hold. 

Now we are on a new adventure. The Lord's grace has allowed us to just now feel like we are coming out of a fog. We are excited. We see so much potential and are taking things a step at a time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tp80oWtnJc0


Steady Heart

I can’t see what’s in front of me
Still I will trust You, still I will trust You
 
Steady heart that keeps on going
Steady love that keeps on hoping
Lead me on
Steady grace that keeps forgiving
Steady faith that keeps believing
Lead me on

Though the sky is dark
And the wind is wild
You’ll never leave me, You’ll never leave me
 
Though the night is long
There is a coming dawn
The light is breaking, the light is breaking

And as the dawn breaks
And the clouds clear
In an open space
Together we will run