Update

I know that being sick is a good thing in pregnancy. I am thankful that HE is creating two little lives and I pray every day for them to be healthy and strong. Some days are easier to handle and accept that I am just not going to feel good for a while and other days are a great struggle. A great struggle for our whole family.

At the risk of being complaisant, I have had enough people ask how I am feeling that I should probably post about that. Also to log what is going on in this pregnancy. I like the fact that I can look back in this blog and see that I was sick until 18 weeks when pregnant with Annaka. Helps me know that I am not abnormal because I am still sick now at 12.5 weeks. I am praying hard that maybe because it is more intense this time it will let up quicker.....say 13 weeks. That would be nice. Then in the next two days I would be able to start to get back to normal, or at least out of the confinements of our house and bedroom.

When pregnant with Annaka I was sick and had the mindset that if I threw up I would feel better. WRONG. That does not work when preggo. 30 seconds later you feel just as bad. This time there are a few other factors that really make me not want to throw up. I can hardly eat anything and I am living in a different part of the world. I have a fear of hospitals (I will save that for another post) and do not want to end up dehydrated in one here. I have been trying hard NOT to throw up. It does not always work, but I have learned that if I rock back and forth in front of my little pick bucket under the ac and take deep breaths I can at least hold it off for a while. Any nutrient I actually get into my body I want to keep there. Especially since there are two little ones who both need the nutrition.

My biggest complaint during this pregnancy though is a feeling of being strangled. Strange, yes. I cannot have anything touching my neck or the majority of my shoulders or I puke/gag. I am on constant zofran (the equivalent here) and the last hour before I can take the next pill, I feel a tightening around my neck which sends me over the bucket. I remember not being able to wear my hair down when preggo with Annaka but it was not to this extent.

For now, I am trying to have the best attitude possible and continually remind myself that this too shall pass. In a few weeks I will (hopefully) be able to enjoy this pregnancy more and will find some relief. Until then, I praise the Lord for these two little babies, I thank the Lord for an amazingly wonderful husband who takes good care of me and Annaka, and I thank the Lord for a 4 year old little girl who is excited about her little siblings and who is patient and plays in my room with me so that I can spend time with her.

Thank you Lord for your blessings!

Interesting Beginnings

I was really spoiled when pregnant with Annaka. I had wonderful midwives who answered any question, were always available and who took good care of me. I felt I understood what was going on, what they were expecting and what they would be doing for my prenatal care. They took a blood and urine sample at each visit, spent 45 minutes walking me through what was going on, what they were checking, what was important between then and my next visit and then what to be concerned about.

We will just say the beginning of this pregnancy has been very interesting. A rush to get an ultra sound two weeks after we arrived (I will talk about that more in another post), then an even more interesting OB appointment.

We are referred by our good friends who are in the medical community here in our city. This OB came very highly recommended.  No blood sample, no urine sample. She took my blood pressure and felt my tummy. Then her 'advice' was

1. I should be holding my breath as long as I can each day to increase lung supply for pushing.
2. I needed to pray to the deity of my choice twice a day to ward off negative thoughts.
3. I should not be taking the nausea meds my OB in the USA had told me to take over the phone, I should take a different one. (I later found out was simply unisom and b-6)
4. Since I have a history of miscarriages she told me to go to the pharmacy to get hormone shots.


That was it. Appointment over. No hint of needing another appointment, nothing.

If we were having one, I would be toughing it out and going to visit other ob's in the city and would most likely deliver here. With two in tow and a bit higher risk we are actually staying in touch with my Dr from the states and will be going back to Kansas to deliver. We were told to have ultrasounds done at least monthly and the rest can wait until I get to the states in October.

I will not really have constant in-person prenatal care until my pregnancy is half way over. That raises my eyebrow a bit but we know who is in control so I am trusting the Lord.

Miracles

Miracles. I have known life is an incredible miracle, created by the Lord himself, but these past two and a half years have taken us on quite a journey to learn more. Sure, everyone hears about the exciting times. But what about the other times in our journey that are not so fun to talk about? More than just 'not so fun' but flat out difficult to talk about.

We have always wanted a larger family. I chuckle now but I used to envision myself as a mom of 12. The house always being full. People always over. Full of life. Then I experienced pregnancy for the first time and quickly that number dwindled. Then looking at our life and the culture we live in overseas right now it would not be easy to have a family that large. Any way we looked at life though we knew we want more kids.

The past two and a half years have been full of ups and downs. Opportunities to learn. Opportunities to learn of God's sovereignty and love, though not easy. Miscarriages and then being told we may never be able to have any more or if we were to get pregnant we may not be able to hold on to the pregnancy. None of which are easy.

I can look at my thought process through the two years and see the Lord molding and shaping my heart. When we first got the words from our doctor, I took it hard. I did not sleep for days as I would cry and thank the Lord for the blessing He gave us in Annaka. I would apologize to the Lord for complaining so much while pregnant with her and for my attitude. I would apologize for horrible thoughts that would go through my head(during my first pregnancy) and that I would vocalize like " I am never doing this again". Who am I to dictate to the Lord.

Once my heart calmed down a little bit I began to think that one day I would look back and understand why. Someday He would 'clue me in' on why we are going through this. Then the Lord used our Annaka to teach me another lesson. I had told Annaka to do something and she kept questioning why. I finally bent down beside her and said "It does not matter why, I am your mommy and you need to obey me weather you know why or not". Ohhhh. As soon as those words left my mouth I was about in tears.  I am the child, my Heavenly Father does not have to tell me why. I am not entitled to know the why, I am to love and praise the Lord for HE is good. That one took a little while to process.

It kind of took a load off in a way. I was no longer waiting to understand the why, but was learning to  understanding more of who HE is.

We have always talked about adoption. Even before we were married we talked about how we would love to adopt and how we feel it is a beautiful thing and how the Lord commands us to look after widows and orphans. I began looking at agencies thinking maybe now is the time. I had always thought it would be a few years down the road still but why not start now and see if the Lord opens the door at this time.

At the same time we decided to use the time we would be in the states for business reasons to do a fertility treatment. We had enough time for two rounds. The first round was interesting as it had no effect at all. In fact (to keep this in non-medical terms) to show the medicine is taking effect, one of my 'levels' should have been at at least a 10 but most likely a 30. It was .4   (point four).  Deciding to go ahead with round two even though the first was ineffective, it became a different story. This time there were not only side effects from the medicine, but my 'levels' were 380 (Three hundred eighty). The highest the Dr had ever seen.

The Lord has decided to bless us, and bless us over and beyond our requests or expectations! He has created two little lives! Our twins should make their debut in February sometime:) What a Miracle! What a blessing!