Miracles

Miracles. I have known life is an incredible miracle, created by the Lord himself, but these past two and a half years have taken us on quite a journey to learn more. Sure, everyone hears about the exciting times. But what about the other times in our journey that are not so fun to talk about? More than just 'not so fun' but flat out difficult to talk about.

We have always wanted a larger family. I chuckle now but I used to envision myself as a mom of 12. The house always being full. People always over. Full of life. Then I experienced pregnancy for the first time and quickly that number dwindled. Then looking at our life and the culture we live in overseas right now it would not be easy to have a family that large. Any way we looked at life though we knew we want more kids.

The past two and a half years have been full of ups and downs. Opportunities to learn. Opportunities to learn of God's sovereignty and love, though not easy. Miscarriages and then being told we may never be able to have any more or if we were to get pregnant we may not be able to hold on to the pregnancy. None of which are easy.

I can look at my thought process through the two years and see the Lord molding and shaping my heart. When we first got the words from our doctor, I took it hard. I did not sleep for days as I would cry and thank the Lord for the blessing He gave us in Annaka. I would apologize to the Lord for complaining so much while pregnant with her and for my attitude. I would apologize for horrible thoughts that would go through my head(during my first pregnancy) and that I would vocalize like " I am never doing this again". Who am I to dictate to the Lord.

Once my heart calmed down a little bit I began to think that one day I would look back and understand why. Someday He would 'clue me in' on why we are going through this. Then the Lord used our Annaka to teach me another lesson. I had told Annaka to do something and she kept questioning why. I finally bent down beside her and said "It does not matter why, I am your mommy and you need to obey me weather you know why or not". Ohhhh. As soon as those words left my mouth I was about in tears.  I am the child, my Heavenly Father does not have to tell me why. I am not entitled to know the why, I am to love and praise the Lord for HE is good. That one took a little while to process.

It kind of took a load off in a way. I was no longer waiting to understand the why, but was learning to  understanding more of who HE is.

We have always talked about adoption. Even before we were married we talked about how we would love to adopt and how we feel it is a beautiful thing and how the Lord commands us to look after widows and orphans. I began looking at agencies thinking maybe now is the time. I had always thought it would be a few years down the road still but why not start now and see if the Lord opens the door at this time.

At the same time we decided to use the time we would be in the states for business reasons to do a fertility treatment. We had enough time for two rounds. The first round was interesting as it had no effect at all. In fact (to keep this in non-medical terms) to show the medicine is taking effect, one of my 'levels' should have been at at least a 10 but most likely a 30. It was .4   (point four).  Deciding to go ahead with round two even though the first was ineffective, it became a different story. This time there were not only side effects from the medicine, but my 'levels' were 380 (Three hundred eighty). The highest the Dr had ever seen.

The Lord has decided to bless us, and bless us over and beyond our requests or expectations! He has created two little lives! Our twins should make their debut in February sometime:) What a Miracle! What a blessing!