Highlights

This morning was definitely a highlight. We got to see our precious babies again, our last ultrasound here in Asia!

We dropped Annaka off at school and headed up two floors to the Radiology Clinic. As we watched my heart fluttered, as it usually does. For some reason I always hop up on the table part in excitement to see our precious ones, but another part of me is fearful that she is going to find some bad news or something. I am thankful that all is good and our little ones are growing growing growing.

As the Dr. was trying to get a leg measurement Baby Two was kicking, more like a bucking horse would kick both hind legs. The Dr had to stop, giggle and try again.

Baby One is on my right side and is set higher up. Baby Two is lower and on my left side and tends to kick Baby One. Wow, do these babies like to move and shake! This is probably why I can feel Baby One move more and why it is much more comfy to sleep on my right side!?!

I am feeling a tad bit better these days. Still stay in the house and mostly in the bedrooms as there is air conditioning! The Lord really gave me a little blessing about two weeks ago. We had some friends visiting and for the first time in months I woke up and did not feel like a train wreck. Whereas I had been needing Clint go get me some oatmeal the second my eyes opened, before moving so that I could avoid throwing up, for the first time I was able to sit up, take my nausea meds and eat a cereal bar with no assistance! Then I was able to sit up and interact with people (in my air conditioned room) all day for two days! It truly was a blessing. The Lord knew exactly when I needed that wave of relief. Now I venture into the non-ac living room for at least an hour or two each day.

I now feel I have passed the "throw up for no reason" stage. Now if I throw up or have to sit over my little pink bucket it is for a specific reason that I can pinpoint.

1. I am within a half an our or so of taking my next dose of nausea meds
2. I tried a new food outside of my five that don't typically make me sick
3. I am laying down
4. something is touching my neck/shoulders/upper back (hair, sleeved shirts, the pillow when trying to lay down, the back of the chair, etc)
5. I am hungry.

I can tend to control or remedy most all of these.  I feel we are taking a step in the right direction, but need to take another giant step before I fly for 30 hours in a few weeks.

We are all getting more and more excited for the babies arrival! Annaka loves her 'ducklings' as she calls them and talks to them daily. She gives my growing beachball...I mean belly a hug and sits on my knee and tells me she wants to rock the babies so we rock side to side for a few minutes. She is going to be a wonderful big sister:)

As I sit here I just realized there is an overload of sounds hitting all at the same time.

-Tambourines from a ceremony next door

-Kids playing (Annaka included) across the hall...ie read as high pitch screaming and running while playing

-Tweets and random noises from birds that have unfortunately built a nest outside our window

-Vehicle horns on the road

-Motorcycle engine roaring by

-A cow is mooing on the road

-People in the flat upstairs are moving their chairs/furnature

-A TV in the other room

-Men on the street yelling

-Parking guard on the street blowing his whistle


No, this is not over an afternoon time span, it is a 30 second time span while typing. I think I have learned to block out most of it and/or have music on during the day. (which I am not sure if it adds to the confusion of sounds or drowns the others out)

Listening

I love my conversations with our sweet four year old as she goes to bed. Either Clint or I will read her her Bible story then it is like a little flood gate opens and we get to listen.

I know she chooses to talk at this time so she does not have to immediately go to sleep, but then again, its the only time she stays still enough to think and talk seriously for a longer period of time.

I am looking forward to getting her a little more 'grown up' of a B ible when we are in the states next as she is asking questions far beyond what this little one is addressing. We basically read the story, then I sit with her and pretty much talk about the story re-telling it with more detail. Not because I am trying hard to 'teach her something' but because she asks. She asks if people were jealous of each other, or why they went somewhere, or what things mean.

Minus a lot of details and parts of the conversation here is some of what came about tonight....

I wish I would have wrote things down right away because now I do not remember how the whole conversation tonight got started. Somehow she made the comment that "J esus is kind of like a teacher, isn't he Mama?"

Why yes! I pointed out that we read the story tonight of the Lord's prayer, which is Him teaching us how to pray.

Then somehow she said something about going to heaven and I used the word "forever" which I guess she had never thought of the concept of eternity. Tears flowed as she struggled to get out "I like this country, I don't want to leave and never come back."

Next to explain how we wont even want to come back once we are there. I began describing heaven further than her 'kids' bibles have. Among other things, we mentioned streets of gold, mansions (which brought the question "What is a mansion" and "We get to live in them?") but the best part is that we get to be with J esus.  I told her we would sing and dance in the presence of the Lord. To which she questioned

"How will we dance if we are stuck in a box?"

Stuck in a box....ok....we have been to a western funeral in the past year and she has not gotten over the concept that bodies are put into boxes, then into the ground.

Whew, she does not miss anything....nor does she forget anything!

Next came a whole conversation about one of her favorite nuts. Comparing our bodies to the shell of a pistachio and our spirit to the nut. That once we take the nut out, we can hold the shell in our fingers to look like it still has the nut inside. So, we bury the shell (our skin and bones) because we don't need it anymore.

Last came a point out of her mouth so strong it brought me to tears.  "when we love J esus with our whole hearts and he dies on the cross so we don't have to, he lives in our hearts......so when people worship idols do they have idols in their hearts?"


This was the skeleton of our bedtime conversation. My heart felt every emotion tonight. I love listening to her process and being a part of her deep conversations.

Mangos...how we miss you

Mango season is over. Which is sad on one hand and a relief on the other. You see, mangos are only in the market during HOT season. They are God's relief from the 110, 120, 130 degree weather. Which explains the bittersweet day they are no longer in the market. We know not only by feeling that the temperature is falling and the rains will begin.

Annaka has taken after her father with her love for Mangos. They could put down a whole box of them in one sitting. I like them, but they SERIOUSLY love them.

Clint was out one day and Annaka was begging for Mangos. I was not feeling well and told her that she should wait for Papa because he can cut them up better and will eat them with you.

Well, that was not good enough for her. She said "Come on Mama, I will teach you." There I go, my plan backfired. I HAD to get up now and cut a mango. She was talking as an expert so I figured I would see what she new. I told her to tell me what to do and was surprised. She knew exactly what to do!

1. Cut the mango around the pit and score it. Then flip it.

2. ....Then enjoy each bite!

 3. And we mean every bite!

4. Then grab the pit. There is still lots of good mango around it! 

Until next year beloved mangos.....

Just when you think they are not listening...

I admit it. I have a good 27 years on my 4 year old but sometimes she just flat out outsmarts me. It does tend to strike me as funny.....at first. Then I realize more of what just happened and a lot of the time that  she is infact correct in a literal sort of way and I just don't know what to say. (By literal sometimes its an Amelia Bedelia sort of way rather than an actual correct sort of way)

I could list one after another examples here but here is just one that has really gotten me thinking.

Yesterday Annaka was playing and she decided to 'put on a show for me'. Since I have been sick and in the bed mostly the past month and a half I was happy she was using her imagination rather than just sitting beside me playing uno or coloring. She stood up in her clappy shoes and showed me her skills of how to throw a little pink basketball aiming for the pink section of her dresser all while singing a tune she made up. Then she hid behind the dresser and said it was one of her husbands turn to do an act.

Hmm. "How many husbands do you have?"

"Two"

Hmmmmmm. "Do you know what God thinks about husbands and wives?" We go on to talk about how God wants us to marry one person and stay married to them for our whole lives!

She listened politely and as soon as I finished a few sentences she immediately, as if pulling something from the little file cabinet of her brain, blurted out...

"Well Jacob married two girls...they were sisters"


Ummm, wow. She does know the Bible story. It is not one that we have read recently so she had to pull pretty deep in that little file cabinet to get that fact.

It amazes me because some nights while reading her Bible story it seems as if she is not listening. She cant sit still, wont look at the page, etc. She can always answer the questions at the end which is why I don't mind if she is squirming a little bit.

It is actually a bit scary as well. Giving me a reality check. She soaks in everything. EVERYTHING. No matter if it is something we say, do, the way we look at each other, everything. She not only takes it in and repeats it like a parrot, she now processes it and applies it. I need to do a better job at making sure she understands HOW to apply it to her little life.

I enjoy our little conversations. I love that they are very two way and even better than that, I never know what is coming on the other end. As I am trying to explain what a word means she ends up telling me instead showing that she knows it already. Sometimes she just gets us to giggle as she shouts something unexpected. As she was using Clint's back as a slide the other day she laughs and says "I am totally keeping you Papa"

Just when we think they are not listening, they show us they heard every word...spoken or not.

Update

I know that being sick is a good thing in pregnancy. I am thankful that HE is creating two little lives and I pray every day for them to be healthy and strong. Some days are easier to handle and accept that I am just not going to feel good for a while and other days are a great struggle. A great struggle for our whole family.

At the risk of being complaisant, I have had enough people ask how I am feeling that I should probably post about that. Also to log what is going on in this pregnancy. I like the fact that I can look back in this blog and see that I was sick until 18 weeks when pregnant with Annaka. Helps me know that I am not abnormal because I am still sick now at 12.5 weeks. I am praying hard that maybe because it is more intense this time it will let up quicker.....say 13 weeks. That would be nice. Then in the next two days I would be able to start to get back to normal, or at least out of the confinements of our house and bedroom.

When pregnant with Annaka I was sick and had the mindset that if I threw up I would feel better. WRONG. That does not work when preggo. 30 seconds later you feel just as bad. This time there are a few other factors that really make me not want to throw up. I can hardly eat anything and I am living in a different part of the world. I have a fear of hospitals (I will save that for another post) and do not want to end up dehydrated in one here. I have been trying hard NOT to throw up. It does not always work, but I have learned that if I rock back and forth in front of my little pick bucket under the ac and take deep breaths I can at least hold it off for a while. Any nutrient I actually get into my body I want to keep there. Especially since there are two little ones who both need the nutrition.

My biggest complaint during this pregnancy though is a feeling of being strangled. Strange, yes. I cannot have anything touching my neck or the majority of my shoulders or I puke/gag. I am on constant zofran (the equivalent here) and the last hour before I can take the next pill, I feel a tightening around my neck which sends me over the bucket. I remember not being able to wear my hair down when preggo with Annaka but it was not to this extent.

For now, I am trying to have the best attitude possible and continually remind myself that this too shall pass. In a few weeks I will (hopefully) be able to enjoy this pregnancy more and will find some relief. Until then, I praise the Lord for these two little babies, I thank the Lord for an amazingly wonderful husband who takes good care of me and Annaka, and I thank the Lord for a 4 year old little girl who is excited about her little siblings and who is patient and plays in my room with me so that I can spend time with her.

Thank you Lord for your blessings!

Interesting Beginnings

I was really spoiled when pregnant with Annaka. I had wonderful midwives who answered any question, were always available and who took good care of me. I felt I understood what was going on, what they were expecting and what they would be doing for my prenatal care. They took a blood and urine sample at each visit, spent 45 minutes walking me through what was going on, what they were checking, what was important between then and my next visit and then what to be concerned about.

We will just say the beginning of this pregnancy has been very interesting. A rush to get an ultra sound two weeks after we arrived (I will talk about that more in another post), then an even more interesting OB appointment.

We are referred by our good friends who are in the medical community here in our city. This OB came very highly recommended.  No blood sample, no urine sample. She took my blood pressure and felt my tummy. Then her 'advice' was

1. I should be holding my breath as long as I can each day to increase lung supply for pushing.
2. I needed to pray to the deity of my choice twice a day to ward off negative thoughts.
3. I should not be taking the nausea meds my OB in the USA had told me to take over the phone, I should take a different one. (I later found out was simply unisom and b-6)
4. Since I have a history of miscarriages she told me to go to the pharmacy to get hormone shots.


That was it. Appointment over. No hint of needing another appointment, nothing.

If we were having one, I would be toughing it out and going to visit other ob's in the city and would most likely deliver here. With two in tow and a bit higher risk we are actually staying in touch with my Dr from the states and will be going back to Kansas to deliver. We were told to have ultrasounds done at least monthly and the rest can wait until I get to the states in October.

I will not really have constant in-person prenatal care until my pregnancy is half way over. That raises my eyebrow a bit but we know who is in control so I am trusting the Lord.

Miracles

Miracles. I have known life is an incredible miracle, created by the Lord himself, but these past two and a half years have taken us on quite a journey to learn more. Sure, everyone hears about the exciting times. But what about the other times in our journey that are not so fun to talk about? More than just 'not so fun' but flat out difficult to talk about.

We have always wanted a larger family. I chuckle now but I used to envision myself as a mom of 12. The house always being full. People always over. Full of life. Then I experienced pregnancy for the first time and quickly that number dwindled. Then looking at our life and the culture we live in overseas right now it would not be easy to have a family that large. Any way we looked at life though we knew we want more kids.

The past two and a half years have been full of ups and downs. Opportunities to learn. Opportunities to learn of God's sovereignty and love, though not easy. Miscarriages and then being told we may never be able to have any more or if we were to get pregnant we may not be able to hold on to the pregnancy. None of which are easy.

I can look at my thought process through the two years and see the Lord molding and shaping my heart. When we first got the words from our doctor, I took it hard. I did not sleep for days as I would cry and thank the Lord for the blessing He gave us in Annaka. I would apologize to the Lord for complaining so much while pregnant with her and for my attitude. I would apologize for horrible thoughts that would go through my head(during my first pregnancy) and that I would vocalize like " I am never doing this again". Who am I to dictate to the Lord.

Once my heart calmed down a little bit I began to think that one day I would look back and understand why. Someday He would 'clue me in' on why we are going through this. Then the Lord used our Annaka to teach me another lesson. I had told Annaka to do something and she kept questioning why. I finally bent down beside her and said "It does not matter why, I am your mommy and you need to obey me weather you know why or not". Ohhhh. As soon as those words left my mouth I was about in tears.  I am the child, my Heavenly Father does not have to tell me why. I am not entitled to know the why, I am to love and praise the Lord for HE is good. That one took a little while to process.

It kind of took a load off in a way. I was no longer waiting to understand the why, but was learning to  understanding more of who HE is.

We have always talked about adoption. Even before we were married we talked about how we would love to adopt and how we feel it is a beautiful thing and how the Lord commands us to look after widows and orphans. I began looking at agencies thinking maybe now is the time. I had always thought it would be a few years down the road still but why not start now and see if the Lord opens the door at this time.

At the same time we decided to use the time we would be in the states for business reasons to do a fertility treatment. We had enough time for two rounds. The first round was interesting as it had no effect at all. In fact (to keep this in non-medical terms) to show the medicine is taking effect, one of my 'levels' should have been at at least a 10 but most likely a 30. It was .4   (point four).  Deciding to go ahead with round two even though the first was ineffective, it became a different story. This time there were not only side effects from the medicine, but my 'levels' were 380 (Three hundred eighty). The highest the Dr had ever seen.

The Lord has decided to bless us, and bless us over and beyond our requests or expectations! He has created two little lives! Our twins should make their debut in February sometime:) What a Miracle! What a blessing!

What A Welcome...

Were back home in Asia and what a welcome we got,
we knew thered be bumps, but expecting this we were not.

Rescheduled, re-routed, delta could have done greater,
our bags were delayed, still not here a week later.

No electricity or internet, and it was mighty hot.
The defrosted food in the freezer had began to rot.

Thankfully some good friends had us over to rest,
in the cool air of their ac, oh we were so blessed!

Annaka excitedly jumped right into her school,
while I battled with our french press and broke my own rule.

I broke it.

And it broke me.

Ok, I am not good enough to keep going :) I ran out of rhymes. Or ran out of time.

We did make it safe, in one piece. The flights did not seem as bad as we were going through them, but the jet lag was/is a pill! Sitting in our last connection airport from 10:30pm until our 6am flight is what I think topped the cake of getting our sleep off schedule. I do, however, like that it is getting us up earlier now. I kind of hope that part sticks.

As soon as we arrived, it made my heart happy to hear Annaka joyfully shout "Were Home!" over and over! We are all glad to be back and are enjoying seeing our friends here! Getting back into routine.

So tired...she even fell asleep in her foreign food

Happy 6 Year Anniversary!

Can't believe it has been 6 years since standing together in that spot. 

Praying for many, many more:)

Photo fun...

Wearing my scarf as a turban.

Peeking out a hiding place.

"Tangled" Dress and wig sent from the states. (she LOVES dress up!)

Playing the part with a frying pan:)

I think this one is my favorite:) 

Some events are not quite as much fun as it seems....or are they?

Doesn't it look like Annaka is having so much fun? 

This was our local new years party. Annaka was not thrilled to be riding the horse, and she did not even want to ride the camel. 

And, it was a bit strange that everywhere around here thinks Santa and a weird mouse creature #1 belong together and #2 are at a new years party? Yes, our neighbor said 'santa' appears up through New Years. 

Kind of strange for a culture/society that does not really celebrate Christmas. 

At least the evening ended more fun getting to hang out with friends/neighbors....kids chasing each other and having fun. We took Annaka home early to get to bed. She was upset she was missing the community kids dance party so we had a mini 5 minute one in our living room....at 9pm. :) 

Christmas Day

Ok, yes, I am still playing catch up. These past few should have been posted a month ago!

We will leave this mainly photos.

1. When in a stationary shop getting some wrapping paper, Annaka was amazed by a random piece of styrofoam. The store owner almost ran out to the 'curbside' to make sure she got to take home this piece of 'treasure'. Later that day, Annaka decided we needed 'snow' and crumbled it. Even worse, it was just after I had cleaned and swept etc the day before Christmas. The day before we had invited all our local friends to stop by. Ahhh.

2. We made a few different kinds of cookies, had coffee ready and were ready to visit with friends! Christmas day was a day we decided to stay at home and invite all our friends and neighbors to stop by for sweets and coffee since we were celebrating. Had fun making the cookies with Annaka, and had fun with the friends who stopped by! Annaka even had a friend from school (who did not celebrate Christmas) who was out of town call to say Merry Christmas since she could not come. 

Waiting for people to come so she could dig in!  

3. Annaka's gift from us was a bike! She loves it! This was her first ride....

She rode like a pro! 

 Now, she and her friends take turns 'driving' and 'being driven' places. 

She also got a chalk board. Here is Annaka explaining her creation to us. She said "This is me," then she drew a bigger nose (the one shown) and said "This is me as a pig" She does always draw the curly hair...and talk with her hands:) 

Lastly, she got lots of play-dough. Here she made our family. Me with long hair, Papa with little hair in the middle, and Annaka with medium size hair and smaller head to the left. 

Criminal

Baked goods in Asia are, well, different than what we are used to from the states. We have some friends who are from here, but have spent some time in London and appreciate the sweets, quiche and other baked goods from the west. The husband has now given me the nickname "criminal" because he is trying to loose some kg s  but still wants the goodies. He is a heart surgeon so I told him I am only trying to help his business:)

This nickname came especially after the Christmas season.

I was invited into Annaka's classroom to make gingerbread houses with all 30 kids, 7 teachers and 2 helpers. Leftovers went to....you guessed it, our friends (the husband may be a surgeon, but the wife is Annaka's head teacher and naturally inherits classroom leftovers).

Then we had a great time with neighbors making houses together as well. 8 kids, 9 adults, gingerbread houses, candy, icing, lots of fun. The leftovers stayed here and went to neighbors...not our nickname giving friends. :) It was very fun to continue a tradition that was a fun part of my Christmas memories over the years with our new friends here in Asia!

Then comes the part that sent the nickname into place. The cake. In a land that does not really celebrate Christmas, I learned several things. 1. Most people dont really know what Christmas is. 2. Locals here believe Christmas always comes with santa and a mouse (kind of) 3. They think Santa is around until Jan 1st, New Years.  (our neighbors took us girls out to a 'Christmas dance party' the 29th of December.)

Ok, that is a little off topic.

Annaka's school had a 'Christmas Party' where they hired a 'Santa' to come scare...i mean...dance around the 2-5 year olds, play musical chairs with the kids and then hand them presents that the students brought with them. The thing is, this 'santa' was about 95lb and 6 foot tall. He also came with a life sized mouse.

I was excited when they asked me to help. They asked me to make a 'Christmas Cake'. I quickly said yes, then days later had a little panic remembering that by 'Christmas Cake' they could mean 'fruit cake'. Oh no, I have no idea how to make one of those but I am pretty sure it involves soaking fruit in some kind of alcohol and we live in a dry state. Anyway, when I asked what they wanted in a 'Christmas Cake' they said a 2kg chocolate cake. That answer was partially better. Relieved at the chocolate part but what the heck is a 2kg cake? I can make sure there is enough for everyone to have a piece but 2kg....huh? Plus, 20 (of 75ish) needed to be eggless. Long story short, here was the end result. One round eggless two layer cake and two, two layer rectangle chocolate 'Christmas Cakes'.

p.s. They specifically asked for a tree to be on it.

I have no idea how close to 2kg worth of cake I brought but we had more than enough. Especially since they did not cut each person a piece. They cut tiny bite size pieces, even cutting the layers apart to be individual bites. If I had known that definitely would not have made so much. Instead a whole cake went home with our friends and the name criminal was given.

Fancy Dress

Whoa am I thankful that I have some mommy friends who set me straight before I make a huge mistake....most of the time.

Annaka's school was having a 'Fancy Dress' party. Just as I begin to think through what she should wear...."Maybe I can get some fun fabric and make her a dress/skirt or something" a mom leans over and asks me if I want to come with her to look at costumes. A little confused I asked her what she was looking for to which she answers "I signed my daughter up to be a pilot".

I stopped in my tracks long enough to ask questions and found out "Fancy Dress" just means she dresses up out of the ordinary as some prescribed thing/person. It was Helper Day and we needed to sign up our kiddos to dress up as a community helper. There was even a list we had to pick from. I had waited too long and only had a few to choose from.

We signed up to be a teacher. Here is our little "Fancy Dress Teacher"

Hair in a 'bun' with a pencil in it....

Sari on and books in arm:)

Christmas Project

This year I began what I thought would be a simple evening project. I was quickly proved wrong when  cutting out, ironing and stitiching 25 little red pockets. It was a loooong night!

First, Annaka and I ventured out and got fabric. 

Cut the red fabric into squares for the pockets. 

Yep, all 25 of them. 

Then printed off numbers to trace onto the white fabric with a sharpie. The white fabric was light weight enough to see through to trace, then sew them doubled over. 

Here it is hung up...

And all the goodies inside. Verses, symbols and candy. 

It actually started a lot of great conversations by looking at what is in the daily pocket. The verses that were written out and the symbol that is there too. Next year I will look for different things/verses etc to fill it with...and it will already be made so we will be able to start it on time! :) 

 P.S. This is Annaka's project while I was starting this project. It was completed long after she went to bed, but she got at least one piece of paper cut to teeny pieces, and a picture of Repunzel drawn:) 

Happy Birthday Mom!

Happy birthday to my Mom! (Better known as Grandma these days) :)

God has truly blessed me with a wonderful Mom.

 I am realizing this more and more each day.

I realize now the many sacrifices you have made for us,  the unconditional love you have given to us, and what an amazing woman you are.

Thank you, we love you and Happy Birthday!!!

Animal

Annaka came home from school painted like a mouse:)

so I thought....

Then she began roaring...

She was a lion. 

Crunch it Mommy

I never realized how young 'quirks' turn up in our personality. Things that drive us crazy, things that have to be done for the world to be right.

I always thought these things were learned, like flipping through a magazine starting from the back rather than the front. I looked at magazines with my grandmother this way for years. In fact both my sister and I look at magazines this way even today.

I realized a specific behavior of Annaka while at the grocery store. We had brought along a little cup of chocolate cereal for her to sit in the back of the cart and eat. Keeps her occupied so I can get what we need and get out. Anyway, she dropped one and immediately, almost franticly, told me her idea of what I was supposed to do with it.


A: "crunch it Mommy"

Me: What?

A: "Step on it Mommy!, Crunch it."

Me: We cant step on it, that will make a bigger mess.

A: "Oh, you have to crunch it if you drop it Mommy!"


Now I understand why there are scattered messes whenever she eats a snack.

Maybe she got this from me loving to crunch fallen leaves? or....I have no idea.

Early Morning Pedi

Ahhh, what better to do on a 14 day break from school for the local festival season than an impromptu pedi? :) (We will talk about that festival season later) 

We rolled out of bed, ate breakfast and Papa soaked his feet as he drank his morning coffee. (Wearing flip flops and going barefoot all the time does numbers on your feet! )   Annaka then decided she wanted to soak hers too! 

Then she decided her monkey friend needed a pedicure as well. He got a tupperware 'dubbah', as they are called here, to soak in. 

She even held his hand incase he was scared. 

 Oh please excuse the mess! I knew we needed to do a cleaning day in her room and after taking these photos I quickly realized how badly it needed to be done!! 

She had so much fun! 

Splashing soapy water on a floor that needs to be mopped...sure why not. Two birds with one stone! 

Yep, caught you splashing! 

Oh look at that hair! Did I mention this was an early morning pedi? I mean, no bath, no brush, breakfast still on our faces, maybe I should have thought about that before taking so many pictures!